Asian massage therapist lay down in her underwear and holding onto her breasts

So what is there to know about Lingam massage?

When I was first set this task, I asked myself what was the best way to really get to grips with lingam, to get the best and most frank answers to some of the most complex questions. Try writing about how to tie a savoy knot, without a diagram it is no easy task. I felt similarly when asked to write about lingam. So I decided to bring together everything I know and that of an expert…it’s been quite the ride.

Let’s start with what I know. Growing up Christian my knowledge as to sex and my knowledge of spirituality are pretty limited, or I would say, traditional. Sex, as I understood was for procreation, spirituality had something to do with blood turning into wine. Learning about the origins of lingam at the start of this journey taught me one important thing, it was like an epiphany. Lingam massage and other erotic massages that fall under the tantra tradition originate from Hindu and Buddhist traditions. The Eastern ideas towards sex splintered with that of the west hundreds of years ago. Whereas the West took the approach of sex as a means to procreate, the East took a more spiritual route, exploring sex to seek the highest spiritual planes of orgasm. Expanding their minds and pushing their bodies to the brink to explore higher planes of self through sexual activity was considered just as important as reproduction. This knowledge noted down in The Kama Sutra, an ancient Indian Hindu text, it reveals many of the Easts secrets and offers practical advice on sexual relations. The West owes much of its sexual enlightenment to the Sanskrit teachings within The Kama Sutra. So – not to go on, but basically, most erotic massage styles (if not all) derive from the East: lingam is no different, to understand lingam you ought to get a basic grasp of the kama sutra.  Once you accept the basic levels of kama sutra then you can start to understand lingam.

A male client getting a lingam massage off an Asian masseuseSo… after reading a simplified wiki reads summary of Kama Sutra (well what do you expect I’m an English graduate!) I learnt a few things. Firstly the ancient language of sankritt is where the word ‘lingam’ comes from. Translated into English, ‘lingam’ means ‘penis’- which gives you a pretty clear indication as to what this massage is all about…From what I read, a lingam massage is all about ‘honouring’ the penis, how they do that however, I’m none the wiser.

Which brings me to the second part of my investigation: asking someone who knows what they’re talking about, in other words; an erotic masseuse. So I met with Linda, an erotic masseuse who formally trained in lingam at a specialist tantric massage academy in Kyoto, Japan. Linda has been working in London as an erotic masseuse since 2012, since then she has established herself as one of the leading lingam masseuses in the country, the waiting list to see her is two months long. Fortunately, I was just meeting her for coffee and she could find time to fit me in.

‘I never work Mondays’, she begins, ‘Mondays are for long brunches and mojitos – yes let’s have a mojito shall we?’

I declined her advances towards the cocktail menu and ordered myself a cappuccino. For a woman with seemingly little time on her hands, Linda certainly lives an enchanting life. For the first ten minutes of our chat, she entertained me with exciting tales of adventure, as she, the heroine, globe trots around Asia, the Netherlands, Sweden and the US in the space of four months. I ask how she finds time to go on so many trips abroad, she curtly explains she does so through work- at which point I am able to draw the conversation back to the point in question: lingam massage.


What are the best techniques to use for a lingam massage?

The best technique with lingam, Linda says, is ‘listening to the body. Every client is different, some have small penis, others have long, some have small and fat, some skinny like little caterpillar man… but whatever the size and the shape, what is important is accepting it as though it is a precious gift.  When some men come and see me they are intimidated by my great beauty and sexual confidence, their penis’ shrivel up like a party balloon, others ejaculate the moment I get near – it happens! And what makes a specialist is someone who can predict what is going to happen before it happens. You come to me and you are nervous I gently stroke, slowly, take my time, I feel your body with energy giving you the confidence to bravely bare your manhood, you come in to see me and you are pent up, sexually frustrated, or if I see you clenching your knuckles to suppress the urge to come I say come! I say do not be afraid of your body and then I grab hold of your penis and I use a technique that stops you coming, that’s right I halt it. And then I build and I build your orgasm until it is bigger than you could have ever experienced before. And I ask you, at this point, I say shall we keep going? Shall I let go? And either you will be begging for me to let go, you will want to ejaculate so hard or you will push through it you will want to see how far I can take you. So at some point, I let go. And you will come and it will be like nothing. Nothing. You have experienced before. I have men convulsing on my bedroom floor as we speak, still withering from orgasm. Ha, I exaggerate – but I did once have a man in a state of peak orgasm for eight and a half minutes. He emerged a new man… a stronger man.’


Now after this speech by Linda I was convinced. I’m not sure what I was convinced of exactly but I guess the secret to the best lingam massage, is going to see the best lingam masseuses available.

Fortunately for you lucky reader – I have the number for the hottest lingam massage parlour in town. I’ll leave it for you here (07767966512). And if you do go in for a visit next time you’re in London be sure to tell us all about your experience in the comments below. Until next time!