Happy endings aren’t just in fairy tales. Eddie Jones, 29, explains how happy ending massages took his confidence from non-existent to Hugh Hefner.
Where did my journey to getting the best happy ending massage begin?
Let’s rewind to 2012, I’d just graduated after a long few years of study and been given my dream job as a civil engineer in a prestigious worldwide construction company. It’s fair to say I was in my element, working on plush new developments in the likes of London, New York and Tokyo. When I wasn’t overseas, in my downtime I’d spend time at chic bars on Chelsea’s upmarket Kings Road, which was just a stone throw away from my luxurious apartment. It sounds like the life of Riley eh?
However, my high life soon wasn’t so high for too long. My friends began to settle down with their girlfriends, while I had no time for any girls because of the constant travelling. It’s not like I wanted to speak to girls either, a diet of constant takeaways and heavy drinking made my washboard abs soon turned into the biggest belly you have ever seen. I was lonely, depressed and really unconfident.
I was desperate to find the answer to my problems. I did a few crash diets, downloaded Tinder and went to the gym a few times a week – but nothing seemed to work. I continued to become even more depressed and spent every night on the booze after work. However, it was stumbling back to my hotel in the winter of 2013 my life changed forever. After sinking a few beers and deciding to call it a night, one of the American guys I’d just become colleagues with shouted “You’re not leaving are you? Our night has just started!” I shook my head, as I began to head out the door, I felt one of them grab my arm “You won’t regret it!” they said.
It turned out we were heading for an erotic massage parlour, which made my initial thought be ‘God no’, but as we made our way through New York’s skyscrapers I succumbed to the idea, I hadn’t had any action with a girl for SO long – what could possibly go wrong?
What actually happened during the massage?
On arrival, I was greeted by a lovely girl (in more ways than one) called Chelsea. With big boobs, perky bum and a slender waist she sure was a bit of me. However, it dawned on me that for the massage I would be naked too. Why would this gorgeous goddess want to have fun with someone who resembled Mr Blobby?
Chelsea took me to her room, where she took off her lacy underwear and began to undress me. As she began to rub over my rolls, you’d have thought she was getting jiggy with Zac Efron with the amount of enthusiasm and seduction that she used on me. I was immediately put at ease and not felt this relaxed with any girl for such a long time.
As the massage progressed, Chelsea’s techniques became saucier and saucier as she made her way down to my penis. I have since learnt, that erotic ideologies teach that the Lingam (the male erogenous zones) is the most sacred area of the male body and with this in mind, it should be worshipped. Chelsea certainly did just that. The way she caressed, stroked and licked all over my manhood made me feel like the world’s biggest sex-god, it’s hard to believe that a few minutes before I felt like an unconfident overweight Londoner.
How did a happy ending massage benefit me?
As well having body issues, my stamina in the bedroom used to always affect my confidence. I’d never really had a girlfriend or a one night stand, so my performance in the bedroom was certainly out of touch. However, Chelsea showed me that I actually can last longer than 30 seconds. Masseuses use a technique what is called edging, which means that when you are reaching a point of no return they move their hands to a less sensitive area of your body, before repeating the process. Believe me boys, if you want to be nursed into the stamina of the porn-star then this does just the trick.
My happy ending massage with Chelsea was the start of better things to come, she taught me to appreciate your body whatever shape or size. Who cares if I have bingo wings and man boobs, my body is a f****** temple! Happy ending massage is now a regular part of my hectic schedule.