A couple sat down having marriage counselling

Who are ‘The Marital Council’?

Founded fifty years ago The Marital Council was established to answer any concerns married couples find themselves consumed by. It’s not always easy to settle disputes within the marriage, having no third party to mediate. As a country we have become far less secular and losing the guidance of church council really has created an environment of isolation for married couples. The Marital Council exists to eliminate this, bringing forward a new kind of guidance council, one free of religious restriction and judgement. The Marital Council runs by a different code of conduct, a moral code that is in tune with the modern world and sets realistic and tangible targets for both partners in any marital party. The Marital Council believes in love and that to truly have long term love with another person you need to communicate – and that is not always easy. This is where The Marital Council can help.  We have recently joined the technological world, as well as our drop in centres and convention weekends we have now extended our services to the online community. Each week we will be answering your questions and uploading them on our blog. These questions can be submitted anonymously and will be answered in the hope to help couples of all situations find resolve.

This week we will be discussing body to body massage and whether getting an erotic massage service is cheating or not. We received this email earlier in the week. After giving it much thought and discussing it as a collective we have made a finalised decision that we trust will bring understanding to any relationship that has faced difficulty accepting or understanding the world of massage in relation to the sacrament of trust and the practice of monogamy.


A couple lay on a bed kissing during a body to body massage


An email from one of our readers discussing body to body massage


My wife and I have been married for two years. We’ve been together for eight and in all that time we have lived in close proximity to each other. In the past six months, I have taken a job working away in London. We both agreed that we were confident enough in the strength of our relationship to make it work, that being said often I do not see her for stretches of over two months. I enjoy the work and it could really benefit us long term for me to stick at it. Ideally, we would keep this arrangement for the next couple of years and in doing so save up enough to buy the dream house, with a yard and enough bedrooms to have the family we’ve always dreamed of. That’s the plan, the problem is the short term is really hard. I have a high sex drive, my wife knows this and spending months apart means not having sex for a long time. When I am sexually frustrated I become stressed easily, I can’t concentrate on simple tasks and truth be told I get pretty depressed. The temptation to cheat is there. I won’t lie, I am an attractive male in my early 30’s and when I do go out with my colleagues it is not uncommon for me to be propositioned by eligible females. The longer I am away from my wife the harder the temptation is to not cheat. It isn’t a case of not loving my wife; it’s a matter of seeing to my biological needs. I have discussed this with colleagues, it is the nature of the job that many of my associates are working away from home so they understand the feelings I’ve been having. One suggested I tried erotic massage, there are loads of erotic massage parlours in London and the way he explained it made perfect sense! The masseuses at these places are trained professionals that train in massage and can in a sense ‘service you’. The masseuses role is to both relax your body and relinquish you from sexual frustration. Unlike an extra-marital affair, getting a naked body to body massage by a professional erotic masseuse does not have any complications. My love for my wife would not change and it is not like I’m going to start dating the masseuse. My colleague friend told me that using erotic massage services is a totally normal thing in other countries and that it is fairly a British thing to feel weird about it. I am fairly confident I would like to try a naked body to body massage but I am anxious to approach the topic with my wife. I do not want her to feel insecure in our relationship and feel as though I have a wandering eye. Equally, I feel if I do not tell her about it then I would be keeping secrets, we have always been so open with each other and I think that is why we are so strong. What do you think I should do?




A man kissing a woman's neck during a B2B massage


The Marital Council’s response to whether B2B massage is cheating or not


TMC: Thanks for your email, Peter. You have brought up a surprisingly universal issue. I say surprising, as many people do not realise how many couples have disagreed on the argument of whether receiving an erotic massage treatment is cheating.

In the past fifty years, The Marital Council has debated erotic massages and the influx of the trade in modern Britain. After much deliberation, we have settled on a final verdict. The way we see it, cheating involves deceit, lies and pulling your focus away from your agreed partner on to somebody else.  Cheating isn’t all about sex. By unpicking what it is to cheat on someone we can have a clearer understanding of what it is. Modern life is not simple and many couples find they are separated due to work commitments, this was never the case in the past and is a modern problem. We believe erotic massage parlours are the perfect medicine for this testing environment. Realistically, if work away husbands could not indulge in the light relief of erotic massage they would be more inclined to meet someone new and start an affair. It’s biology, and a real shame. We all agree at TMC that erotic massages are an excellent way to maintain a loving relationship with your long-distance partner. Without the stress and frustration that comes with sexual withdrawal, you will be able to be your best self. You will excel in work, have the motivation to enjoy the city for the time that you are there and most importantly you will not resent your wife for being so far away (which although you have not explicitly said is a common feeling within long distance relationships.)

In regards to telling your wife, that is entirely up to you. We at TMC cannot make that decision for you – we do not know your wife and honestly would not want to give you ill-informed advice. What we can say is this; secrets and not telling somebody everything are different things. We all need a private life, you would not tell your wife about every disgusting shit you have ever had – perhaps you would, but you know what I mean. Some things, some personal things, particularly stuff to do with your biological urges or indiscretions do not need to be shared. Would you want to imagine your wife getting a full service massage with a male masseuse? Probably not. Perhaps it is best that you give your wife the same courtesy.